Trust and Braving
I think we need this right now... Charles Feltman has the most beautiful definition of trust, “Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.” He goes on to say that distrust is when, what I’ve shared with you, that is important to me, is not safe with you.
I found out about Feltman from my soul sister @BreneBrown (you'll see more from her below!). We often think trust is built by grand gestures at crucial moments in our lives, but trust is typically built with simplicity and small actions. After looking at her research Brown said, “It’s very clear. Trust is built in very small moments.”
This small book is about a very important subject. Often, good work is being sabotaged by interpersonal conflict, political infighting, paralysis, stagnation, apathy, or cynicism. Almost always, one can trace these problems to a breakdown in trust. It not only kills good work, it also inevitably creates some degree of misery, annoyance, fear, anger, frustration, resentment, and resignation. By contrast, in successful companies (and relationships!) where people are innovative, engage in productive conflict and debate about ideas, and have fun together, one can find strong trusting relationships.
Having the trust of those you work/live with is too important not to be intentional about building and maintaining it. With this book, you will learn how to build and maintain strong trusting relationships with others, and repair trust when it is broken, by being intentional and consistent in your language and actions. Understanding and consistently demonstrating trustworthy language and behavior will help you earn and keep the trust of the people you work/live with.
“To choose not to connect when the opportunity is there is a moment of betrayal,” she said. Basically, “When we trust, we are braving connection with someone. So what is trust?” Brown gives us the acronym BRAVING, which is the anatomy of trust: *BOUNDARIES* – “THERE IS NOT TRUST WITHOUT BOUNDARIES.”
*RELIABILITY* – “I CAN ONLY TRUST YOU IF YOU DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU’LL DO” AGAIN AND AGAIN.
*ACCOUNTABILITY* “I CAN ONLY TRUST YOU IF WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE, YOU’RE WILLING TO OWN IT, APOLOGIZE FOR IT AND MAKE AMENDS. I CAN ONLY TRUST YOU IF WHEN I MAKE A MISTAKE, I AM ALLOWED TO OWN IT, APOLOGIZE AND MAKE AMENDS.”
*VAULT* – KEEPING A CONFIDENCE
*INTEGRITY* – @brenebrown DEFINITION OF INTEGRITY: “CHOOSING COURAGE OVER COMFORT, CHOOSING WHAT’S RIGHT OVER WHAT’S FUN, FAST OR EASY, AND PRACTICING YOUR VALUES NOT JUST PROFESSING YOUR VALUES.”)
*NON-JUDGMENT* – YOU AND I BOTH CAN STRUGGLE AND ASK FOR HELP)
•GENEROSITY* – “OUR RELATIONSHIP IS ONLY A TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP IF YOU CAN ASSUME THE MOST GENEROUS THING ABOUT MY WORDS, INTENTIONS AND BEHAVIORS. AND THEN CHECK IN WITH ME.”